I have to confess, February is one of my favorite months of the year. Perhaps, in addition to being the time to celebrate love and friendship, it is my birthday month, it is also my mom’s birthday and two of my nieces and my nephew celebrate their birth during this month too. Since all of them live in Puerto Rico and I am in Los Angeles, there hasn’t been many an opportunity for all of us to celebrate birthdays as a family. The times that we have, however, it is always a day filled with laughter, hugs, great food and stories, lots of stories that both my parents would share of times gone by. That was my favorite part. Listening to my dad shared anecdotes about his own childhood, his family, ours, the time that either my siblings or I did this or that. That delighted all the grandchildren, learning about their parent’s childhood, especially the embarrassing times. Ha! I can still hear him, mi papi, even now that he is not with us anymore. Yet, his love, that love for family that he instilled in all of us children and grandchildren, and how to show it, is there. Forever.
February reminds me of that love papi taught me. Growing up, my parents were expressive and demonstrative in front of us children. A peck, an embrace just because, a kiss as he or she walked in the door from work or the market. It was natural, it was a ritual almost. Part of our daily lives. Bear hugs, cuddles, saying “I love you.” Spontaneous, touchy-feely, intentional. It was never questioned. It just was. And I thought this was the way it was in every home.
Then I met my husband. He is of Greek descent, 100%. Both his mom and dad were first-generation Greek-Americans. Like many Latino/Hispanic families that emigrated to the United States or that are born here, my in-laws and my husband were raised surrounded by other Greek families and they fiercely protected and preserved their culture. I always admired that. Expressions of love, however, were much different than what I had lived with. Oh, they loved and respected each other very much. Hugging and kissing, not so much. I think I only saw them kiss once or twice in the twenty years they were alive. My husband was a very nice boyfriend, and I knew he loved me, but he wasn’t the type to hold hands or kiss me spontaneously. That took some getting used to, I confess again. I was afraid that our children wouldn’t get to experience the tickle laughs, the kisses, the hugs and the “I love you” just because.
Going to visit my family often and witnessing how love was expressed by everyone he met, family or friends, gave my husband a different perspective and he began changing his ways. The concept of an impulsive kiss or a compliment became less foreign and more part of our daily lives. My son was four years old and my daughter one when I walked in one day and he was in the floor roughhousing with the two, all of them hysterically laughing, the kids all over him, and I saw the love, that love that I grew up with, that love my dad taught me. And, I cried, I confess yet again.
Love exists in every culture and it is expressed differently around the world. While Latinos/Hispanics are in your face more, so to speak, for Asians in China kisses are very private and not done in public and in Japan is more about the neck and hands, not the lips. Italians use the word love all the time, Greeks and French tend to be less demonstrative. In American culture, small gestures are key: hugging, holding hands, random acts of kindness.
As a mother, it was important to me that my children felt loved and appreciated. Incorporating aspects of all the three cultures they were growing up with did the trick. Hugs, cuddles, and words from my Puerto Rican side, respect, and harmony from the Greek side and I used words gestures and my devoted attention from the American side. I know my papi approved.
Frankly, it doesn’t matter how or why, what it is true is that every culture speaks the language of love. A good thing to remind our children this February and always!
How was love expressed in your house growing up? Is it the same way now with your children?
Do share!
Bai, Bai
Maritere
Related articles: https://observer.com/2018/01/study-confirms-americans-agree-small-gestures-show-the-most-love/
https://blog.u2guide.com/en/how-different-cultures-of-the-world-express-love-to-the-chosen-one/
