Just three months ago, in November, I lost two very dear people in my life, my wonderful papi and a dear friend of over 30 years. They both left grandchildren and great-grandchildren behind that had to be explained about their loved ones being gone and why they wouldn’t see them anymore.
This reminded me of how that type of situation opens the door for a conversation about death with our children and how important it is to have a dialogue that diminishes their confusion and their insecurities on the subject.
It is very possible that they wonder what death is all about, or what happens to the person when they die? Or why can’t I see my grandma again? What happens to the person’s body when they die? And an even scarier thought for them, will you die too?
In the past, it was common that children would stay home while the adults attended funeral services. Today, there are still many adults that feel this way still. For many, it is the family traditions and beliefs and even the culture that decides. According to the experts in child development, it would be important to consider the child’s age and maturity level before making a decision to take him/her or not to a funeral service. Let’s remember that children deserve the opportunity to say a final goodbye to their loved one. In that moment of sadness, the child wants to be taking into account. He wants his feelings to be valued and respected. Saying goodbye to his loved one helps him through the process of grieving and healing. Taking a child to a funeral service can also help him understand death and what happens after. They get to see that it is normal to grief, hurt and cry for the person we lost. Not including him in the process can cause anxiety and fear, especially when he understands that something bad did happen. Taking the opportunity to teach him can be important for his emotional development.
8 Suggestions to Teach Children About Loss & Death
- When someone close to your family dies, consider the opportunity for an age appropriate conversation with your child.
- Listen to the child’s feelings and answer his questions as honest as possible, again depending on his maturity level.
- Allow him to weigh in in the decision to make him part of the funeral services.
- Prepare him gently with what he/she is expected to see at the funeral home and the cemetery.
- Be prepared to answer questions he may have during the service.
- Offer support and caring during and after the services.
- Be there for him/her during the grieving and healing process.
- In the weeks after, talk to your child about their loved one. Make sure he understands that it is ok to talk about the person and to remember the loved one.
Like my father’s great-grandchildren and my friend’s grandchild, children are not expecting the death of a loved one with anticipation and sometimes they are too small to fully understands what is happening. But, taking the opportunity to teach children about death at the appropriate time, can help a child to survive the situation and to develop the emotional tools to deal with the loved of a loved one when he becomes an adult.
Bai, Bai
Maritere
